Disgust

02/26/07-04/14/07-11/26/07

I feel the fingers rape my body
I yell 'make it stop! make it stop please!'
I yell it till my lungs start to bleed
But no one arrives, I'm still all alone
I crawl into a dream and wait till it's done
I'd rather have acid drip out of my eyes
Or roast in the sun until my skin fries
But no
There will be no scars, no signs of my pain
I'll stay quiet and it'll happen again
I'm trapped in a cell without any walls
I stare blankly outside as the night starts to fall

You think this is funny GOD!!
Do you think this shit is funny!
I thought you're supposed to be here to protect me
Why did you leave
Does this shit amuse you?
I thought loving me was what you're supposed to do

Well fuck it, I'm done
This isn't fun
Anymore
Feeling like a worthless whore
Each sound, each motion, each memory creeps
Each time I'm about to go to sleep

I can't take it,
Fuck this shit
I'm tired of fighting
I'm over it, I hate it
I'm tired of crying

Goodbye...

anxiety 2

10/16/06 - 11/18/06

Anxiety pounds against my body
My ribs are caving in
It's getting hard to breath
The air is getting thin
I wish I could just leave
Abandon all the fears
Escape from all the pressure
Dry up all the tears

I try to let go
Of the weight inside my heart
I don't know where to go
I hope it isn't far
I want to release the tension
And throw away my doubt
But then I start to panic
And look for a way out

Love is hard for me
I still hold resentment
From the wounds I've received
That have made me demented

But through the gloom
There is the sun
I love to hold her
We both are one
She keeps me sane
When sanity hides
She sticks by me
Through my silent cries

Can I change my perceptions
Can I place my bet
That this might work
Or is the path already set
I'm trying my best
To make all things right
We'll see where it goes
Hopefully it might

Poison

03/01/07

Sometimes I feel like just exploding
Fire sears from my pores
Body is covered in sores
Tears flow down my sides
And I am slowly eroding

I contaminate all those around me
My poison seeps into their viens
It flows into their minds, then to their hearts
Madness consumes them until they don't
know where they are

My bones slowly crumble and
My blood starts to clot
My eyes melt into the sockets
While my stomach begins to rot

I try to yell for help, but there is no sound
My throat is dry, only bile flows out
Intestines start to creep up my chest
And my skin begins to tear
My lungs try to breath, but they explode when touched by air

I clench my jaw and try to push it out
Push out all the acid
As it burns and melts my mouth

Leave me! Leave poison!
Drain out from my limbs
You've tortured me for so long
And it's all because of him!!