Surrender

I surrender to a God that has yet to respond
I surrender to the rays that reach out from the sun
I surrender to the wind tearing moments apart
I surrender to the cold blanketing my heart
I surrender to the waves that push me away
I surrender to the moon that ends another day

I surrender to the light that burn out from the stars
I surrender to the pain lingering around my scars
I surrender to the night shadowing my fears
I surrender to time collecting all my years
I surrender to the heat that shoots out from my rage
I surrender to the sky and all the emptiness it saves

I surrender to the doubt that contaminates my mind
I surrender to the choices I have left behind
I surrender to life and all it's unknowns
I surrender to experience and accept that I've grown
I surrender to the past and to all it's attachments
I surrender to the future of no more commitments

And last but not least
I surrender to Love and all it's (im)perfections
And to all the challenges I've risen above
To find my true direction

I've given in to resistance
And left suspicion at the door
I've offered up my trust to you
Challenging the universe no more

See me - 02/06/08

See me/Silent Eyes
02/19/08

Over mountains drenched with snow
Trying to figure out where to go
Following the trail before it's gone
Cuz I'm too scared to be alone

Like sweet olives dipped in black
They reflect my soul before I react
A puddle caressing the night's sky
There land my tears before I cry

Grab my hand and walk with me
Be the moon so I can see
Lay the path for me to follow
Hold me close and never let go

Who knew that we'd be here right now
I'm exposed to the elemental truth
That you've loved me when I didn't know how
And it's all because of you

Stay here with me forever
I'm so amazed how this could be
I thank god you landed here
You're my angel and you set me free

Lying right next to me
Is a reality born from all my dreams
Emancipated from my misery
My eyes finally able to see me

Battle wounds II

01/18/08

The open sores from my emotional mutilations
Are exposed underneath the searing sun
They sizzle and bleed out the nightmarish poison
Paralyzing my legs before they can run

I'm stuck between my enemy's borders
Entering territory of no return
Bullets rain from above the clouds
As they hit me, the hatred starts to burn

Mangled and lifeless is my emotional carcass
A bag of resentments weigh me down
My chest ripped open, my heart dragging
Grasping for anyone who may be around

To pull me out of this planned attack
Another blitz from the devils crusade
Preventing me from reaching heaven's door
And reminding me that I can never be saved

But I still reach for where I hear freedom lives
A place where the past disintegrates
Present comforts and invites you to stay
And empathy is ready to easily relate

To the journey I took to reach this place
To the battle I fought despite my hesitation
To the unending war that rages within
To the overwhelming choke hold of my desperation

But here I lay, still all alone
Wondering if I'll ever make it home
Death dismembering my dignity
Until my whole is completely gone

Bricks rain down

01/18/08

Bricks of sorrow rain down on me
And build a wall around my shame
Metal tears stream down my face
As I seek to hide from the world again

A storm of hail shaped like blades
Pelt against my exposed carcass
Cutting through my empty soul
And leaving me hollow and alone

Fear's scavengers start to circle
Around the void of irony's hope
Picking at whatever is left
The remnants of a pathetic journey

She repeated her misjudgements
And continued to follow confusion
So when the end finally arrived
Nothing was brought to a resolution


Tears of sorrow rain down like bricks
And build a wall around my shame
Each time another memory kicks
I hide behind the wall again

A lonely existence
Although she was surrounded
By love and by patience
They never did penetrate

That wall of resistance
The moat of most distance
The knight would always climb
But she would never escape

She'd throw him off the rooftop
Made him stop
Before he got too close
She murdered love
Before it murdered her
And that's just the way it goes

I start to Run

1/16/08

You're the rain that washes away my sorrow
You're the wind that blows away my pain
You're the cloud that shields me from the horror
That re-plays in my mind continuously, over again

You're the storm that scares away my demons
You're the thunder that wakes me from my dreams
You're the cold that freezes off my panic
When I fall back into the scene

And All
You said you'd do
For me
Has come true
And when I find myself
In darkness
You present
Me with the sun
I'm freed from hell's harness
And towards you
I start to run
I start to run

I start to walk down this road with you
You are the lion next to me, My protector
I re-learn all I thought I knew
And believe you'll stay with me forever

You carry all my insecurity
And cast a shadow over my shame
Hopefully, one day I'll be able to see
How to do the same
For you

And All
You said you'd do
For me
Has come true
And when I find myself
In darkness
You present
Me with the sun
I'm freed from hell's harness
And towards you
I start to run
I start to run

Nothing is as what they seem

01/14/08

The moonlight beams
Through my dilapidated dreams
Exposing the screams
Of nightmares unseen

The memories of my sorrow
Last until tomorrow
I try to run away
But have no where else to go

Trying not to fight
The coming of the night
Summoning all my might
To get this shit right

Nothing is as what they seem
Follow the water
Follow the streams

Nothing is as what they seem
Follow the water
Follow the streams

Nothing is as what they seem
Follow the water
Follow the streams

Music

01/11/08

I dissect your notes
Into strings and chords/
Record your emotion
and sing your words/
The emotional liquid
floats up into your eardrums/
Splatters your brain with images
you can only dream from/

Angel

01/11/08
01/17/08

Behold the birth of an onyx eyed angel
I'm paralyzed before I try to run/
A shadow blankets my reality
As her stare shows down the sun/
Lost and decrepit
I search for an out/
Her energy, I felt it
What do I do now/
Wings still wet
Unable to fly/
She's stranger than most
Objects that defy/
The gravity of my reality
That hangs onto the past/
I grasp for a remedy
I hope she can last/
(It's her, will it last/ )
She intercepts my soul
Propells it towards the stars/
I open my eyes and
Start to see how far/
I've come on this journey
I didn't plan to take/
She's infiltrated my being
And shaken me awake/
My Angel

National Poison

01/11/08

Feeding poison to
All those who hear them/
Blinding neurons as they
Pass through the lies/
Placing masks over
Curious eyes/
Fooling the world
With governmental disguise/
Searing the souls of the poor
Who don't know/
That the battle is lost
But the blood will still flow/
Arrogance killing
rational relations/
Draining the life
out of neighboring nations/
The world will soon recognize
Our manipulations/
And leave us to our own
Nuclear disintegration

Resilience

01/07/08 -unfinished

I've started to trust the truth again
It was buried amongst my demon's terror
I feel the chains of resentment begin
To loosen it's hold over shames only mirror
Weightlessness infiltrates my swollen pores
And lifts me up to familiar places
My heart is lifted up off the floor
Strengthening it's resistance to fear's many faces