Rainy Day II - 10/14/11

I want to run away
Far from this grassy field
And hide up in the trees
Where no one can see
The depth of my impurity

I don't want to look at how much I hurt him each day
The torturous rant of my own persistence
Questioning, over and over again the real reason for my existence
A diabolical way to achieve peak resistance
An unnerving way to live

Draining the brightness from every beam of light
I wish to believe it will all be alright
Even if it were just a dream

Breaking the agreements I agreed upon
Forgetting the pain and accepting
That it's all already been done

So difficult, but easy
There is no peace treaty
The war won't end in my head
Whenever I go to bed, it follows me
Wherever I go, whatever I do
It still follows me

I let it take my happiness
My hate seeps over to this reality
All good is tainted, all bad is embraced
Sometimes I just want to rip off my face!

What is it like to be?
Swimming in a warm and calming sea?
Waves gently gliding and no one is hiding but me
Anything?
Water so clear you can see to the bottom
No dark and scary places to fathom

I wonder what it is like
To wake up knowing trust, and having love be your friend
Believing that you are worth loving in the end

Sometimes, when I look out the window
I still don't know how the rain falls
All I know is that the clouds hold the lies
And I understand how the sky feels when it cries
Sweet relief

Then it all starts to build up again
But I don’t know when
The downpour will come
Each time there's more
And I start feeling my eyelids getting sore

Each drop washing away grains of hope
Eroding the dream that one day I’ll find
The window through which I'll grab his hand
And follow him while leaving all this behind

Time for Bed

02/26/07

My cries are silent
There is no whimper
Tears fall soft and quiet
Like snoflakes in winter

Muscles are tense
I cannot relax
Protecting me
From my memories past

Sometimes I wish
For some solitude
To get away
And change my mood
But I am surrounded
Inside my own hell
I have so much to say
But no one to tell